Monday, December 04, 2006
yesterday went to zixiu's 21st bday celebration, the time spent there was fun and some of my stupid ideas make xiu dunno to cry, to angry or to be happy. hehe
but also during the celebration i finally picked up my courage to call mama g, and i was scolded by her on the phone..
'are you still in decadream? where have you been? where have you been? if u dont want to be in decadream, dont waste the other people's time.. then how about the children project? you go also no use, you dont know anything? you think about it..'
her tone made me.. just kept quiet... and my mood just changed...and when i was on my way back, i was like... so depressed...
i told myself..or even thoughts in me...
i am a very irresponsible person, i gave people a hope to do something great, but yet in the end i crashed it. i am a dream destroyer.. not only that i bring the whole team up that to be dare dreamer, but thinking that, if i leave decadream, i will be disappointing them. worrying that if i quit, i drag the whole team down.
its not the first time happening.. i am a very bad person....
these fews mths i have been getting myself involved in many things that i cant really focus on wat i wan. i am interested in involving in all things esp performing..
rmb that i mentioned that i gonna join lex and justin they all to dance on the 17th dec outside PS, then in the end on that night itself, i msg lex that i couldnt join them. and thank God he understands...
but thruout the night and today morning.. my mind has not stop thinking of wat to deal or say to decadream ple and mama g...
then today i wrote a letter to decadream president...
Hi Joe,
I've called Mama G yesterday night, and i got to know that you all are unable to contact me. Sorry that i didnt know about it.
And Mama G actually asked me if i still in Decadream or not, and i have thought through over and over again, and thought of meeting ya guys outside maybe on tuesday or wednesday to tell ya guys some things...and i know i need to give an explanation to you all.
I am very very very sorry that out of all the meetings, i only able to make it for the first 2 but not the rest, as i am rather busy with my other things that i am currently holding on to.
As for the children project, i dont think i am able to get involved as i didnt know any details about that.
Actually i was thinking, if i am able to withdraw from Decadream as i dont wish to pull you guys down and waste ya time... and i dont know if i withdraw from Decadream will decadream still be going on......
But i am really thankful to be in Decadream, i am very sorry that i made the wrong step for giving ya guys a hope....
So wondering.. if i am able to, but i know i need to explain to you all in details....
Sylvia
after writing it.. i felt better, though i am still worrying that if i drop out.. in the end.. the whole team will be disbanded, then i will feel so so so bad...
and now.. this cuming wed i will be explaining to joe and gary....pray that i will be wise in my words.. but still dunno mama g will be there or not...
okok la.. gonna slp le.. ciao!
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11:32 PM
